Artemis, Meet Artemis
by BookFreek
Summary: What happens when Artemis Fowl meets the Greek Goddess he was named after? Oneshot. R & R


This is my first oneshot. Critiques are welcome. _Mythology _is an actual book that inspired this oneshot. Enjoy….

Disclaimer: I do not own the Artemis Fowl characters

**Artemis, Meet Artemis**

Angeline Fowl had fallen asleep on the chaise lounge. Finally, her son could do as he pleased.

"This is by far the most boring book I have _ever_ read," Artemis told Butler emphatically, gesturing to a rather thick volume in front of him titled _Mythology. _

"_I_ think mythology is interesting," Butler retorted defensively. After all, Hercules was his hero.

Artemis chuckled. "Butler, _reading _mythology is boring. But _living _it is quite a different matter." From his pocket, he procured an odd-looking remote control. "It's a fairy device," the boy explained, upon seeing the bodyguard's bewildered face, "a time machine. Because the Grecian goddess Artemis has always intrigued me, especially with her hunting abilities, I want to see her in action." He set the device for 200 B.C.

Immediately the world around Artemis disappeared, and he saw events from history flash before his eyes. Finally, they were in Greece, right next to a small river.

Butler surveyed his reflection in the water. Golden locks fell from his crown, dropping to his shoulders. Those weren't there before. A five-a-clock shadow played around his chin. That most definitely wasn't there before. He was wearing a sleeveless bearskin and—

"Butler, you're muscles! They're…they're huge!"

Ahh…those. Those were there before. It's amazing what a suit could do to downplay a man's muscles. But add the hair and shadow, and Butler was a hunk!

Artemis did not fair half so well. Looking in the river, he gave a most uncharacteristic shriek.

Hearing this Butler stopped admiring himself and started to look for his employer. "Artemis, where are you?" He called.

"I'm right here," huffed a young maiden next to him. A rather _ugly _young maiden. In fact, looking closer…

"I _am _Artemis!" The maiden yelled. "The time machine mistook me for a girl and dressed me accordingly!" This was beyond insulting. Artemis made a mental note to start Pilates when he got back.

"So I look like a girl and you look like Hercules," Artemis grumbled. Life was so unfair. Stinging from being stripped of his masculine dignity, he added spitefully, "Although, out of all heroes, Hercules was by far the stupidest." Instantly he regretted it.

"Are you insulting Hercules?" Growled Butler. No one, _no one_, insulted Hercules. He flexed his biceps, his abs, his quads, his calves, and most importantly, his buns of steel.

"Uh, no?" said Artemis timidly. All those rippling, gorgeous muscles were also very fearsome. Suddenly, they heard a booming voice.

"WHO DARES TO THREATEN A MAIDEN!" it cried. A beautiful woman appeared. "I AM ARTEMIS, PROTECTOR OF YOUTH AND OF THE WILD, HUNTER AND MAIDEN GODDESS OF OLYMPUS. ANSWER ME!"

"I'm a BOY!" shouted Artemis angrily.

The goddess looked closer. "That's just creepy," she shuddered.

"_Anyways,_" said Artemis, changing the subject. "My name too, is Artemis. I'm a hunter, just like you."

"HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE THE POWER OF THE GODS! I, ARTEMIS, AM THE HUNTER OF ALL HUNTERS! NO ONE IS A HUNTER "JUST LIKE ME"! I AM INSULTED!"

"Join the club," retorted Artemis, gesturing to the dress he was wearing. "And I am just no ordinary hunter. I am a boy genius. I could outsmart you anytime."

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" shrieked the goddess. The trees began to sway precariously close to the boy and his bodyguard, and various wild beasts started surrounding the pair.

Butler surveyed the situation. He _had_ to save his employer. He took his hunky arms and promptly picked up the goddess. He spun her above his head.

"Put me down!" The goddess shrieked, pounding her fists uselessly against Butler's iron grip. She began kicking and screaming most unbecomingly. So much for being a fearsome hunter. Butler was kicking her butt!

CRACK! Lighting filled the sky. Butler dropped the goddess, who began weeping. "Zeus, my father," she said to no one in particular, "They have disgraced me."

Suddenly the sky turned black and bolts of lightening landed close to Butler and Artemis. Way too close.

"Get us out of here…" said Butler, as he picked up Artemis and began dodging lightening bolts. The boy promptly took out the time machine. At last, they were both back in the expensively furnished living room of Fowl Manor.

That exact moment, Angeline Fowl awoke from her slumber and surveyed the panting pair. She frowned. "Artemis, dear, why on earth are you wearing a dress?"


End file.
